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my monsters don't define me | monstertrainwreck's Blog


My Monsters Don’t Define Me
 
 
            Scars and bruises mark my body, telling of the battles and the monsters I have fought and am still fighting.  Some I have won the majority I have lost.  My scars and bruises tell of the monsters I have fought. The scars show the way I change. As they fade I become stronger and finally take control of myself. The power slowly changes hands. This weak little girl that cries all the time and gives into her urges is not who I am.
            I am a strong woman that is learning to push the urges away and who has come to reclaim herself after three years. My hand  is  raised in triumph as I win the first of a series of many battles. Slowly I pick up the pieces of myself that are shattered to unrecognizable bits. I’m slowly but surely piecing back together the puzzle of the girl that I used to be. I want to be that girl again, the girl that was always happy and that was oblivious to the dangers out there but deep down I know that is impossible. I am changed, for the better or the worse I am not completely sure.
            Lifting my tear streaked face to the sky I think about the horrible monsters I am fighting .I think of how when I win the war that I myself will be better and stronger for it. Even if at the moment it feels nearly impossible. I will be less susceptible to the monsters out there because I am aware of the dark and dangerous monsters lurking everywhere just waiting to hold me in their grasp.
             The stronger part of me shouts eating disorders and self injury are no match for me. While the other side of me quivers in fear at the thought of how hard recovering from my monsters will be. Day by day my strong side grows pushing back my quivering, weak other half. Embracing the strength and determination inside me I decide that these monsters can not and will not control me. I am back to claim the person I thought was lost. I will overcome the things I am most ashamed of no matter how long it takes me. I will come out victorious.

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Previous Posts
My Darkness, posted December 15th, 2013
the hunger, posted December 8th, 2012
my monsters don't define me, posted December 8th, 2012
my struggle, posted December 8th, 2012
The darkness, posted June 24th, 2011

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